First Christmas as a divorced Dad12/24/2014
2 Comments First Christmas as a Divorced Dad As I sit here tonight for my first Christmas being divorced and the girls are with their mom I have been thinking about a lot of things. This Christmas has been really different and I have learned a lot about myself during this time. Even though in the past I went shopping with their mom to by their Christmas gifts and I enjoyed watching them open the gifts I still lost the part of giving. This year as I went shopping as a divorced father I thought how selfish and self-centered I was at times during Christmas. This year as I have went shopping to purchase their gifts I really focused on them and what they wanted and not myself. God spoke to me many times during this process about its not about you it’s about others. As I was wrapping their gifts I was so excited about watching them open them and for them to see what they got. Not that I was not excited in the past it’s just different. God has taught me so much during this time of difficulty. I believe God uses these times like this to really teach us about ourselves. Today, it's all about me. Okay and you. Isn't that was selfishness is? Putting the spotlight on ourselves and being consumed by it. When we think about emotional bondage, many times we experience depression, anxiety, loneliness and so on because of past or current circumstances. These unhealthy emotions may not have been triggered by our selfish desires but holding onto them instead of giving them to the Lord borderlines on selfishness. "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed." 1 Peter 2:24 As Christians, we are supposed to be like Christ. We are supposed to be selfless. As our Lord and Saviour graciously became the sacrifice for us, His mind was on what would benefit His children. His mind was on love. As humans, we tend to hold onto the emotions that we are supposed to let go because we have not learned to love right. Or trust right. When we love the way God loves and we trust in Him, we are able to let go of our selfishness and embrace freedom. "Give unto the LORD the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness." Psalm 29:2 Selfishness is usually wrapped up like a pretty present but when opened, only destruction lies. It looks appealing and feels good. When we take, hoard, keep instead of give, purge and bless. Being selfish in our ways actually steals the glory away from God! How can He be glorified in your life if you are in the spotlight? How can we be free from unhealthy emotional bondage if we only look at ourselves and not the One who truly delivers? "I am the LORD: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images." Isaiah 42:8 No matter how hard we try, we cannot change God's mind. He has stated in His Word that He will not give His glory to another. Yet, we in turn are so self-consumed, that spiritually we steal the show and expect Him to perform for us. We are looking inwardly to benefit our desires and justify our emotional bondage, that we are blind to an outward God who provides all the benefits we shall ever need! Think about your daily priorities. Do you put what you want to do in front of what God wants you to do? Have you asked Him what we wants? Think about your relationships. Are you constantly being offended? Are you always dissatisfied? Many times selfishness comes in the form of pain. If we've been wounded, we automatically play the blame game instead of analyzing our motives and actions. Maybe it was our selfishness that triggered the offense.
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As we all know, we are in the season of given. We see folks without or standing at a red light with assign, we have a tendency to give more at this time a year then we do any other time. I am not saying if your reading this that this is the only time we give, or we have to give money to those that are standing at the street corner. I will be the first one to say that there are places they can go for help. However, one particular man really hit me while I was waiting on my medicine at drive thru pharmacy.
I had just left the mall from picking up the last Christmas gifts and drove over to pick my meds. I usually go in and talk with the pharmacist but on this particular day I went through the drive thru, again something I never do. As I pulled up, the pharmacist came to the window and he said it would be a few minutes, so I put the car in park and was listen to some Christmas songs and sang out loud. I just hope the intercom was turned off if not I should go apologize to that pharmacist for having to listen to that. Anyway, as I was sitting in my car I noticed this guy on a bicycle riding up to the dumpster that sat behind a chicken place. As I sat there, I watched him get off his bike and then climb into the dumpster. I thought, what is he looking for? Is he looking for cans? He is looking for stuff to sell? Then a switch went off and I didn’t hear the radio. Everything was silent around me. All of sudden I realized that was is he looking for left over pieces of food in the dumpster. As I sat there waiting forever for him to pop up from the dumpster to see what he came up with. His head pops up and he started to climb out of the dumpster with something in his hand and it was not cans. About this time the pharmacist was calling me over the overcome and apparently, he had been calling my name for a while and I didn’t hear him. As I signed for my meds I drove over to this man who was now riding away on his bike. When I got to him, my heart sank because this man had climbed into the dumpster for food and in his hand was a piece of chicken breast that had been thrown away the night before. I stopped him and asked if was he about to eat that and he looked at me and said yes sir I’m hungry and I’m sorry was I not supposed to be in the dumpster? Please, I don’t want to get in any trouble he said. My heart just broke, I looked at him and said you’re not in trouble and you’re not going to eat that chicken. I told him to throw it away and let’s go get some warm food. Ok please don’t think this is about me giving him food because it’s not but don’t miss this next part. After we got his food, we sat down and talked. Everyone has a story and his story was unreal and amazing. Yes, he made some bad decisions in life which was one reason he was homeless, but it was the story about his Mom who died 8 years ago, that was amazing. He moved here from Miami to take care of his sick mother. After her passing, he was depressed, alone and lost. Sometimes we have to slow down and listen to the story of our homeless. Remember, God can use others to bless us when we thought we were going to bless them. Have you ever thought about the fact that Jesus was homeless? Jesus told those who wanted to follow Him, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). Indeed, as Luke records the teachings of Jesus, he casually mentions that Jesus slept outside. “Each day Jesus was teaching at the temple, and each evening He went out to spend the night on the hill called the Mount of Olives, and all the people came early in the morning to hear Him at the temple” (Luke 21:37-38). Yet, there’s more to consider. The Bible doesn’t mention Jesus owning anything other than the clothes on His back, which the soldiers divvied up at His crucifixion (Matthew 27:35). We dare not romanticize his lack of possessions in our modern minds as just “living simply” or “minimalist.” So, when you look at someone who is homeless, see Jesus. Respond to him as you would respond to Jesus. Give to her as you would give to Jesus. We should Never underestimate the power of prayer. When you are praying according to God's will, your prayer is unstoppable, but how do we know what God's will is? We should carefully study of Scripture. Jesus made this promise to us: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you" (John 15:7). We have to remember though we are praying for Gods will to be done not our Will that we want done. Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them. But sometimes they do, and we never may never see the outcome until years later. I was reminded this from a Facebook post that I was tagged in. Here is the Story from Brad himself!
DivineCrosses.org December 23, 2017 at 7:28 PM · CHRISTMAS IN JULY You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” Matthew 21:22 This may be hard to believe. But, it’s true. I’ve seen it happen. It’s happened to me! I don’t pray for myself much at all. I’ve never felt I deserved to ask for anything. But, my life changed almost 17 years ago when I prayed and saw something I still can’t quite explain to this day. This is the longest post I’ve ever written. It was time to write it down. It’s not about a Christmas miracle. It’s a story about a July prayer. July 2001. Things weren’t looking good. My wife was in labor for weeks it seemed. Our first born was on his way, 2 months early.. Daniel was to be his name. He was in the Lions den and I knew it. I watched helplessly as Brandi lost consciousness over and over. She’d only jar awake long enough to throw up nothing she had eaten. We were moved from delivery rooms to private rooms and back again as we waited for what was next. I was scared. But, I couldn’t show it. I smiled at every nurse, doctor, family member, and friend who entered the room. I don’t remember talking much to anyone honestly. This was the hospital Brandi worked at, so I did have some comfort in knowing these nurses worked with her and would go above and beyond for her. Something began going horribly wrong though. My wife was fading, and I couldn’t do a dang thing about it! A priest was asked to come in. We took hands around the bed. The priest said a lot of stuff I don’t remember. I tuned it all out as I closed my eyes. This was between me and God and I had something to say to Him. I didn’t ask him to give me anything. I asked Him to take it from me instead. I asked Him to take my life in exchange for theirs. I asked Him to take every ounce of strength He blessed me with and give it to my wife and Son. I wanted nothing from Him. I just wanted Him to take it. I begged for it. My eyes opened, yet they didn’t really open. How do I explain this? Yes, I could see everything in the room, yet my eyes didn’t physically open. I could look around and even see the priest who’s face who I hadn’t really looked at yet. I looked around the room and then through the window. It was the most beautiful blue color I had ever seen outside. It was all blue! Suddenly, this color which I still can’t describe other than blue, poured into the room. It consumed it! Everything was brilliant, beautiful, and blue. It concentrated over my wife brighter than anywhere else. It radiated with a pulse of ever changing blues, but somehow, they stayed the same hue! I can’t explain it any more than that. I suddenly felt a peace I can’t explain either. Then I felt a squeeze on my left hand and heard the words Amen... That night was a long one. I didn’t sleep. I just held Brandi’s hand and her hair every time she woke up. I knew something was about to give. That morning as dawn came, everything sped up and changed. Daniel was coming. But not easy. He had the cord wrapped around his neck three times. I remember yelling at God in my mind and saying Now!!! Take it now!! My Brandi yelled out and pushed as I hugged her. I saw my son. It was a mess in the room. Brandi was awake and alert but exhausted. She saw Daniel for only a moment. The nurses grabbed Daniel and took him to a little room off to the side and they grabbed me too. I had a job to do. I was given and oxygen mask and told to hold it over my son’s face. I was fading... I remember one of them saying to me to hold it steady. I thought I was... Later that day we received the news of what was happening. The doctor came in with his head lowered and said that Daniel needed heart surgery right away and that he was going to be flown down to Orlando soon. He took me out of the room and apologized for not catching this. I laid my hand on him and told him it would all be ok. How did I know this??? I didn’t even realize what I was saying to him! I wasn’t myself. I could barely walk around. Yet Brandi only hours after having our son was walking around the room and asking for books on this condition so she could see what needed to be done. And, she was ready to go! She wanted out of there! I couldn’t move... so I just sat. But it was peaceful. Everyone that came in not knowing what had happened and was looking to see our Son with us got a smile from us. We told them everything would be ok. There were two people I remember clearly. They weren’t people we ever really knew well but we went to school together, and frankly I’m not sure we liked each other in school. He came in the room and sat behind me for a while his wife tended to and checked up on Daniel. She was a nurse also I remember sitting there in a peaceful daze and he laid his hand on my shoulder from behind. It calmed me even more. I felt his prayer. I’ve never said thank you to either for staying with us. Whatever that prayer was, I had more peace than ever before. A peace that passes understanding. Brandi was ready to go be with Daniel who was going 8 hours away. I remember telling her that she had to rest. She just had to rest. I slept that night. My wife slept that night. It had been days since we did. We went home the next morning and gathered clothes and left for Orlando. I’ve never felt so much odd pain in my life. I could barely hold the steering wheel. My shoulders were on fire like it was the first time I’d ever used these muscles to lift my arms. My legs ached, and my back felt like pins and needles. We stopped a lot... I knew what had happened. God took it from me. He took my strength. My muscles were still recovering. But, that prayer Mike said. I have a weird feeling he asked for me to have some strength. Because I had just enough to get us there:) We got there in time to see Daniel before he went in to surgery. He just stared at me. This tiny guy didn’t blink. He was only twice as long as my hand. And he was holding a pacifier as big as his face in his mouth. I’ve never seen eyes so deep. It was that deep mysterious blue again. I saw God in his eyes. It was even more peaceful. How’s that possible? Everything was going to be ok... I won’t go into the next 16 years of surgeries, Shriners trips, and endless therapy and doctor’s appointments.. But, this past month Daniel went to his cardiologist for possibly his final visit as a minor. We were told that his heart is perfect and it’s one of the best ones they’ve ever seen. That young man has more strength and will then I will ever have!! He got that from his Dad and his Heavenly Father. It all came flooding back to me the last couple of days spending time with him. I know I saw God. I know He exists. And if you want God to get you what you pray for. Just ask him to take everything you want from you and see what’s left. Everything you’ve ever needed will be right there. www.divinecrosses.com We like to gravitate immediately toward the latter part of that verse: Ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. We love that, as though God were some sort of genie. But that isn't the case. We tend to forget about the first part of this verse: If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you . . . If we are walking in fellowship with God and studying the Word of God, then we will start praying according to the will of God. As you can see from the Story that Brad Shared he was praying for Gods will because he was abiding in him. First John 5:14–15 says, "Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him." Therefore, we should never give up or back down. We need to keep praying. That is why Jesus said, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7). Take it from this story that God does answer Prayers and yes, I may not all be the way we want to turn out as this story, but it will turn out to be glory to God. I don’t know for a fact but I’m going to guess throughout the 17 years it was not easy, and they kept their eyes on Christ. Some days, it is a lot harder to be patient. When we’re bringing our concerns to the Lord again and again, we grow tired of waiting. It soon begins to feel like our prayers are falling on deaf ears. Often our desire is to take control and just “do the best we can;” it is our fleshly reaction to the silence. A friend of mine said this to me “Patience and waiting on God seems to be a large struggle for me yet there are so many times in my life where I can point to his perfect timing, so it does make sense why I struggle so hard with it. He has certainly proven himself more times than needed.” So, if this is the case and we know that, why do we struggle. Well is because we are not patient, and we want things now, and when we want them because we think we know best at we have it figured out.
Think of this example, there is a young man who is making a grilled cheese sandwich. He gets all of the ingredients. He gets out the pan and puts it on the stove. Then he thinks, “If I turn the heat up high, it’ll be done faster.” Imagine what happens next. Most likely, he’ll have bread that looks and feels like rock and half-melted cheese. His problem, as you can see, was a combination of impatience. To get it right, he would have to discover the miracle of medium heat. The medium setting on a stove is perfect for grilled cheese and many other dishes because it allows food to be cooked through without being overdone on the outside. The only downside is that it requires more time and attention, which require patience. Something this young man didn’t have, and I will not admit or deny this was me. The miracle of medium heat may give me a perfect grilled cheese sandwich, but patience will have its “perfect work” in my and your life, helping us press forward to become more like Jesus Christ. We know Galatians 5 lists patience as a fruit of the Holy Spirit, so we confess our desire to rule our own lives. We ask the Spirit to fill us, empowering and directing us even as we continue to wait on the Lord. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to wait. This is especially true when were in a hurry and when we want things to happen now, if not sooner! But Gods plan does not always happen in the way we would like or at the time of our own choosing. Our task – as believing Christians who trust in a benevolent, all knowing Father – is to wait patiently for God to reveal Himself. We human beings are, by nature, impatient. We know what we want, and we know exactly when we want it: RIGHT NOW! But, God knows better. He has created a world that unfolds according to his own timetable, not ours…thank goodness. Even though it is hard to sit back and wait. Will not the lords time be better than our time? Many years ago, I worked in the Pharmaceutical Industry selling a product to cardiovascular doctors. During this time, I learned more about the heart than I ever thought I would. When talking with the doctors, I learned about things that effected the heart and things that would damage a heart. High cholesterol, triglycerides, and hypertension – all well-known foes of wreaking havoc in the heart. So fast forward 15 years, I was sitting in the doctor’s office getting my annual checkup and going over my blood work. Everything was good except my blood pressure was high. I blamed it on raising three daughters, but he assured me it was not from that as we laughed together. He then put me on one of my old meds that I used to sell many years ago. So later while sitting in my office, I got thinking about how high cholesterol, triglycerides, and hypertension are devastating on the heart but there are four other enemies of the heart that can’t be measured in the doctor’s office and big pharma has nothing to touch them as they wreak havoc on young and old alike.
They’re the four primary enemies of the heart – four life blocking agents that become lodged in the heart, poisoning relationships, our walk with God, and our character. Here they are: Guilt, Anger, Greed, and Jealousy. Yes, we have all dealt with these in some way. They each result in a debt to debtor dynamic that always causes damage in any relationship. Guilt says, “I owe you.” Guilt is the result of having done something we perceived is wrong because when we do wrong is can be looked at as an act of theft and if I steal from you, I owe you. Therefore, when you deal with guilt in your heat the message you hear is, “I Owe”. Anger says, “you owe me.” Raise your hand if you have been angry with someone and felt like they owed you? My hand is raised so I know your hand is raised. Think about watching your kids or someone else’s kids play in the sandbox and then all of sudden they get angry because they want to play with a toy that another kid is playing with. Why do they get angry? It’s because they are not getting something they want. Sound familiar? It does for me. Greed says, “I owe me.” Greedy people believe that they deserve every good thing that comes their way. You may be thinking I don’t think I deserve every good thing. Well let’s think of it this way – What’s mine is mine because I earned it. Hmmm, did that sound familiar? We all deal with this. I remember a time I didn’t want someone to use my truck because I didn’t want them to mess it up. Well at least that what I told myself. The reason is because I was greedy and didn’t want them to use it because it was mine. Jealousy says, “God owes me.” We all have looked at someone else’s stuff and said I should have that. I mean when God was handing out those cars he forgot about me. What about when you brother fits into pants that are a 32-inch waste and you have to wear husky pants and you exercise just as much as he does. (I have never thought that LOL.) Have you ever looked at someone’s social media and want “their life” as you scroll through their perfect pictures of well-behaved kids, exciting adventures, fit body, beautifully decorated home, etc. Do you recognize any of the enemies of the heart in your life? I know I do. After we see the problem, which is easy, but the hard question is what we do about it. When we have hypertension or other heart problems we don’t ignore it do we? No, we go get help or a med that can help. Speaking from experience on all this, if your dealing with one of these, I would challenge you to lean on someone that can help you. If your Christ follower, step back and ask Christ to help you manage these things that you have in your heart. Talk to a loved one, councilor or leader in your Church. Seek guidance in books, seminars or small groups. You are not alone. |
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