Self Forgiveness-What good am I doing by refusing to forgive myself

Forgiving yourself. It’s easy to say, but so much harder to actually do! We all mess up sometimes, whether it’s lashing out at a friend, damaging a marriage, engaging in a self-destructive behavior or cutting corners at work. We have all been there before. I have made choices in my life that have affected my kids with a lot of hurt and with these mistakes came overwhelming feelings of guilt. Shame. Self-condemnation. Humiliation. My Counselor told me that these emotions can lead to stress, depression and anxiety disorders. Which is very true because I have struggled with all of these.
 
However, I have some great news for you, if you’re struggling with this.  Forgiving yourself is not specifically addressed in the Bible, but there are principles regarding forgiveness that should be applied. For example, when God forgives us, it states that He remembers our sins no more (Jeremiah 31:34). This does not mean that our all-knowing Father God forgets, but rather, because He forgives us, He chooses not to bring up our sin in a negative way. Peter said, "In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality" (Acts 10:34). Applying "no partiality" to the issues of forgiveness, God does not choose to forgive one person and not another. He forgives everyone who believes in Jesus Christ. Applying His "no partiality" standards to ourselves, it is just as important to forgive ourselves as it is to forgive others. 

Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. It is about not bringing the offense up to yourself in negative ways. Forgiving yourself is simply letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can forward with God. If God has moved forward, shouldn't we do the same? Philippians 4:9 states that we are to put into practice those things that we have learned from God and from His word. To continue to rehearse in our thoughts the events of our transgression, opposes Philippians 4:8 which tells us to dwell on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.
 
Forgiveness is also a personal choice. I had to come to that conclusion on the things that I struggle with. The thing is you cannot move forward in life if you continuing to look at your past mistakes. When your driving a car, can you drive the car in the right direction if you are continuing to look in the review mirror? Of course, this answer is no! This goes the same thing in life. No matter what your dealing with, you can move forward.  Proverbs 16:28 says, "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." The energy it takes to harbor anger, hatred, and resentment towards yourself is exhaustive. Every bit of energy we give to negative activities and dwelling on regrets, robs us of the energy we need to become the person God wants us to be.  When we reject the forgiveness extended to us by God and others, when we refuse to forgive ourselves, what we are doing is setting ourselves above others and that is pride! Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." Unforgiveness of oneself will bring self-destruction, a haughty spirit, and a fall. Christian forgiveness will bring peace.
 
I learned if I didn’t forgive myself I would continue to hurt the ones around me.  Forgiving yourself is also important for those around you. It is a well-known fact that hurting people hurt others. The longer you avoid forgiving yourself, the longer you allow yourself to harbor the feelings that you deserve to suffer for what you did, the more explosive you will become and, therefore, the more apt you are to hurt others. 
 
Forgiving yourself will change the direction of your life. Here is a prayer that I came across when I was struggling with forgiving myself. I read this prayer every day and continue to read it.
 
Dear Heavenly Father, I understand that there is nothing to gain by holding myself in unforgiveness and there is everything to gain by releasing myself from unforgiveness and beginning the process of healing. I want to move forward and make a positive difference in the future. I confess the ungodly accountability, self-abasement, and the vows I have made to never forgive myself. Because Jesus died for my sins, I choose to forgive myself--to no longer punish myself and be angry with myself. I forgive myself for letting this hurt control me and for hurting others out of my hurt. I repent of this behavior and my attitude. I ask for Your forgiveness and healing. God, help me to NEVER again retain unforgiveness of myself or others. Thank you for loving me and for Your grace to move forward with You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
 
If you’re dealing with self-forgiveness please know there is a way to let it go. It’s not easy and it’s a struggle each day. I have been there, and I know there is a way out of the pit.